Last weekend, after two days of pure no-plans bliss, I was laying in bed early on Sunday morning when my phone vibrated. Who even contacts anyone so early on God’s day? My disgruntled boss, apparently. In a nutshell, he pointed out a pretty big mistake I had made and wanted answers as to why. I proceeded to lie awake in bed, tossing and turning with guilt and self loathing, waiting for him to acknowledge my profuse apology. Crickets.
An hour later, after leaving an appointment, I was still stuck on this issue. Forget that it was a gorgeous day and I had lovely plans to visit the farmer’s market and lay out at the beach, I instead bottled up my emotions and sulked around with a storm cloud over my head all day. Even with my guy cracking jokes and tickling me, I couldn’t even afford a smile.
Even after a day to let it breathe, the issue was still fresh in my mind. My boss wasn’t due in the office for two whole days, what the hell was I going to do until then? So I proceeded to stay productive at work, tackling all the projects I had been avoiding all summer long. Re-organizing my files. Cleaning out storage. Hanging art. I was pussy footing around my own workspace, dreading the moment I had to face my boss after royally fucking up his week.
By chance, I was perusing Facebook for whatever reason, and saw that an old friend of mine had formed a new business partnership and posted an article he had written for the company blog. This article was just the remedy I needed for my self-inflicted depression, I highly suggest you read it (here). Sebastian does a great job at vividly describing what I was experiencing. I was so busy contemplating all the shit I was dealing with, that I neglected to live in the present. I spent Sunday gardening without truly enjoying the sunshine and dirt I love so much, missed a coworker’s birthday lunch, and complained for two whole days before I finally snapped out of my funk.
This article helped me come to the realization that all I can control are my own actions, not the reactions of others. I am the only one responsible for my happiness, any additional positivity brought in from others is just an added bonus. If they choose to hold stress, disappointment, anger, negativity, that is their burden to bear. I spend 9 hours a day with my game face on, so for the remainder of the day, I promise to be present. To enjoy where I am at that exact moment and not allow thoughts of the past or future interfere. So the next time I get an angry work email on the weekend, I’m just going to exclaim, “plot twist!” and move on with my day.
Life is too short for worries, especially those that are out of our control.
Be present this weekend, wherever you are.