So a lot of you are probably wondering where I have been hiding. I am sorry that I have been MIA as of late, but sometimes you just have to put your life on hold while you get all your ducks in a row. And that is exactly what I have [finally] been doing. Let me explain…and bear with me, because this is a long one.
For the past year, I have become passionate about my two greatest loves in life: writing + photography. This doesn’t seem like it would take any effort, figuring out the things you love, but for me, it was a big change. For the past 6 years – since the day I unpacked my bags from college – I have dedicated my life to being the best Executive Assistant to walk the earth. Putting others needs before my own, making super important people happy, and feeling useful by being the go-to person for everything were all things I excelled in. I knew I could make a career out of it, and always strived for excellence. I always went above and beyond my responsibilities, and stepped beyond my comfort zone enough to feel comfortable taking on any challenge. And for a long time, this was enough for me.
But last year, I came to the realization that my own health, goals and interests had fallen by the way side, leaving me more out of touch with myself then when I was going through those awkward junior high years [yes, that bad]. I was about to be 26, felt little satisfaction in something I used to love and take pride in doing, and had no idea what made me happy. Like literally in the most basic form. I was embarrassed for myself, and knew that I had to take control of my life before it passed me by.
So I spent the last year rediscovering my interests, what worked for me, and found out more about myself than in my entire four years of college. I started spending a lot of time by myself, doing the things that made me happy and letting people who did not share my interests fade away. I started seeing certain friends I had thought I would be close with forever disappear from my life, and met all types of new people with similar wants and goals as I did. I was as happy alone as I was in the company of others, and finally felt at peace with the progress I had made. And then, like some form of universal magic, things started happening…
I started setting small goals for myself to push me in the direction of where I wanted to be in five years. I put a lot of time and effort into my blog entries, and finally got my photo site live after talking about it for over a year. I watched my diligent roommate as she transitioned from working an office job to making her dreams a reality. I thought of my Grandmother, a true trailblazer, who left her job in the retail industry for a more fulfilling life as a politician. I started painting again. I started getting a lot of feedback and support on my writing and photos. I took the time to travel on weekends when I wanted to. I attracted a wealth of different new people in my life, including a very special man who shares my interests, passions, curiosity and excitement. Everything seemed to be perfect, until I came to another realization… that my job was no longer something I wanted, and that in time I would need to make a choice.
I went through the motions of my job, feeling unchallenged and uninspired. I ended up working in my down time more than I had ever wanted to, and as a result my blog and photo site suffered. I felt sad that this place I loved so much before was now negatively affecting my mental and physical health, and causing me to push aside the things I had worked so hard on the past year. I wondered if I was being selfish or jaded, but eventually just accepted my own change in goals and decided that now was a good a time as any to just take a deep breath and jump off of the cliff I had talked myself down from so many times. I walked into my bosses office, and simply told him I was ready to move on. He didn’t fight for me, and he didn’t guilt me into second guessing my decision. And it was in that exact moment I had confronted my fears of uncertainty and change and took a leap of faith.
Uncertainty and change can be pretty scary. But sticking to your guns and walking away from something that no longer serves you is extremely liberating. As soon as the words left my lips, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Sure, I have moments where I get sad about leaving this place, this family. But I have to remember that this decision was made in my best interests, and to continue to grow in the direction I want, I had to make a sacrifice. And I could not be happier!!!
I have so many ideas and plans in the works, it is almost shocking to believe I waited so long to pursue them. Creative freedom is so undervalued in this world, and some people will never experience what it is like to follow their dreams. Instead, they will settle for a boring 9-5 surrounded by beige walls going through life like a robot. Well I say fuck that. You only have one shot at life, and I am not going to wake up, 30 years old, in the same cubicle, with nothing to show for myself except paper cuts on my fingers from a lifetime of filing and premature arthritis. Why waste anymore time not doing what you love? You never know what the next day brings and to not spend every waking moment being happy is simply wasteful.
So, in conclusion my pretties, don’t let life push you into a corner. Nobody puts baby into a corner. My hope is that this post inspires you to take a good look at your surroundings and figure out if this is the life you want for yourself. Find out what it is that makes your heart feel all warm and fuzzy and stop waiting around for someone or something to pull you out of your rut. Because someday will never come. So go out there and find what it is that makes you happy, grab onto it, and chase it into the wild. You may not know where you will end up, but I promise the journey will be worth it.